i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
