I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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