i was born a porn star she said
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
