At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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