pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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