Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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