Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
