the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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