she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So many bounce houses so little time
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
