Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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