: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
