she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Be still, my beating vagina.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
All I want is dick and wine.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
