Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
