oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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