I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize