Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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