So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
