Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
