girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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