Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
