Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
