mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
