No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
