i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i think i scared a bird with my dick
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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