My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
