Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
