____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
