i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
