i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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