A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
