Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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