i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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