In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
