Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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