i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
