well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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