Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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