If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
