Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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