I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
