There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
