apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
