Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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