Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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