She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
