I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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