She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
