where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
