I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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