the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
