apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
