maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
