We won't sleep together?
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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