If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
