he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
