I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize