Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
