just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize