your parents love me but you hate me
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
