You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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