He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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