either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I can't turn off my feet"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize