need another drink. this is the easiest way
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
