Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize