No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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