So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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