so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
