Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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