I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
