Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
